I can't stress this enough. Mummies are disgusting. Too many secrets about the mummies are being revealed to us! Mummies have been around for thousands of years, doing nothing; waiting for their moment to become rock stars. Now they travel the mummy circuit, suitcases filled with artifacts and ancient pieces of broken things. When these dusty mummies come to town, the people line up from everywhere to see them! Why? I don't really know. Desmond saw the commercial on TV, so we went to Discovery Place, to view them in their spooky, decrepit splendor.
Mummies are very delicate and sensitive; you cannot take their photograph or call your friends on the cell phone while you're viewing them. They get pissed! No coffee or soda, either. I guess they can't handle the caffeine.
Mummies come in many varieties: Egyptian mummies, bog mummies, Siberian Ice maidens. Naked mummies; ugh, they are the worst! I feel virtually no emotional connection with primitive man, especially skeleton-style. But there they are, laying around everywhere; under glass, in tombs, on slabs. Some are curled up like college students at Penn Station, waiting for the train to West Islip. Key words: Hair, teeth, fingernails. Yuck and gross! I formulate some questions, to try and connect with my ancestors. Are you a lady? Where are your clothes? And that's about as far as I got. If forced to live in a world without clothing, I would surely die of embarrassment.
I cannot relate to these mummies, no matter how hard I try!
Scientists would like me to believe I need to know more details about the mummification process. Scientists do this to me all the time! I'm good, without this information. I was just fine thinking that if you stepped on a mummy's bandage, nothing would be left when he was done unravelling.